- published in 2019 from my previous blog -
At the moment I'm writing this I haven't told the world that I had a miscarriage; however, I'm confident I'm not the only one to feel this way so I'm documenting to share it later...
Never in a million years did I think that the trauma of having a miscarriage would trigger me on Valentine's Day, but it did.
I went to Walgreens to find a last minute gift for Kevin & while I was walking the aisle it dawned on me that I already got him a card. I picked it up when we were pregnant & had every intention of writing something sweet about expecting our first child (trigger #1)...then in the check-out line the woman in front of me had a 6-7 month bump (trigger #2).
I tried to put the grief out of my mind & focus on the fact that we're now clear to be romantic (sorry fam)... except that when I got home I had to write in his card. I wanted to express my love & appreciation for him without being super specific & bringing our night together to a dark place. So I wrote something meaningful & not overly sad, but as he opened the card I couldn't stop the tears from coming. All I could think of was what he would have read had we not miscarried.
Thankfully Kevin knew what I needed before I did. He just held me & let me cry it out....
I want to journal this for healing purposes, but also to let anyone reading know that trauma triggers are everywhere & I'm not sure that the they ever go away. But I do know it's OK to feel what you feel: the sadness, jealousy, anger... all of it.
& I have to add after sharing my miscarriage publicly, I now know without a doubt I'm not alone & neither are you - whatever it is you're going through...
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